"...I fucked two men I just met and had my first bi-sexual experience.
And...just typing this is making me horny as hell."
That's the Skype message I got this morning from my wife Ellen after her first visit to a "Lifestyle" club. It was also when she suggested that I start a blog about our experiences and my feelings. So here it goes.
Ellen (okay, it's a pseudonym) and I have been together for 20 years, and after kids and careers and just plain familiarity and boredom, our sex life had lost its thrill. Oh, we were hot for each other those first ten years or so--Ellen was young and sexy and adventurous, I was young and keen to please, and we had a lot of fun, including memorable cucumber-centered sex in Greece and a hot anal session on a balcony overlooking a canal in Venice. But even though we lived and worked abroad and had some great experiences as a family, the spark was slowly fading. I worked too hard, Ellen worked too hard, we gave so much attention to our kids that there simply wasn't any energy left for each other. And time takes a toll, on my libido and performance, and on Ellen's energy, mood, and body. She has struggled with mild depression, and after our second child was born and Ellen started working, she gained some weight around her middle, and lost some confidence as she saw that I no longer looked at her with keen interest. I grew up under the influence of Playboy and Penthouse--I'm sexually attracted to women who are fit. Not necessarily thin, but in shape. And I like women who are self-confident and playful. She likes men who are take-charge and energetic enough to keep up with her. So my interest waned over time and I just didn't have the energy to be assertive and get things rolling once the kids were in bed at the end of a long day and we finally had time alone.
A few years ago we confronted the situation. I admitted that my libido was lower, but also that I didn't find her particularly sexually appealing anymore. She was hurt. Very hurt. But as time passed, we were able to talk about it more. Eventually, Ellen quit her job (which she didn't like anyway) and started exercising. I got a full physical to see if there was something going on hormonally, but nothing turned up other than the natural aging process. Still, things weren't getting better. I got some Viagra, but my libido wasn't improving so I never took advantage. And Ellen wasn't really losing weight and still struggled with depression. But hard as it was sometimes, at least we were talking about it.
Then last spring Ellen asked me what I thought about her having liposuction. After a lot of research and some tense discussions, she made an appointment, and this summer it happened. Recovery wasn't fun--she was bruised and achy. But she definitely had her curves back, and as the weeks passed something else came back--her self-confidence and sense of adventure. She had a sparkle in her eyes again. I liked what I saw. She was sexy both physically and emotionally. And just when she was feeling well enough for us to try and rekindle our spark, I had to leave for a four-month trip abroad.
But that wasn't the end. Because we had also discussed the need to leave behind all the assumptions about monogamy, the social constructs, the subconscious puritanism, and admit that what we needed was other people. We'd been talking about opening our marriage since before we had kids. First it was just fantasy and hot talk to spice up our sex life. It helped for a while, but the effects waned over time. We were just too familiar with each other, and the recent years had put too much pressure on each of us to be everything sexually to the other. We inhibited each other with all the emotional baggage that people acquire over a long relationship. So we agreed to take the plunge.
There have been plenty of times since Ellen and I got together when I've met a woman that I was attracted to and whom I would have pursued if given the option. I never did pursue, and felt self-satisfied in my self-control and proud of my loyalty to Ellen. It turns out I probably should have asked her for permission to roam. I think she would have said yes.
Ellen made the first moves after I left on my trip two months ago. She
signed up on some lifestyle websites, and soon had many men contacting her. She
also reached out to a few old lovers, including Adam, who lives on the other
side of the country but is very much into open relationships. Adam provided a
lot of guidance, and not a few hot phone-sex sessions. Ellen kept me informed,
and I discovered the meaning--both literally and emotionally--of compersion. I
got off on the idea of Ellen having phone sex with someone else. She also met
Bill through ashleymadison.com. His initial email interested her and he lives
less than an hour away. As they emailed back and forth, and eventually met for
coffee, Ellen learned that Bill's wife is very much into the whole open
lifestyle scene. Like me, Bill works abroad a lot and his wife Kelly has a
high sex drive, so years ago he encouraged her to have sex with others. Ellen met both of
them at a restaurant a few weeks ago, and although nothing happened beyond some
very frank conversation--Kelly is very blunt and "approved" of Bill's interest in Ellen--they have become her mentors. Bill is very keen to
hook up with Ellen, but he didn't have a chance before starting his most recent
six-month work trip abroad. Nonetheless, they still have steamy SMS and email
sessions. Ellen has also been doing some shopping for new lingerie and sex
toys, and has sent some great photos of herself to me as well as to Bill and
Adam. I even got something very unexpected; photos of Ellen with her fingers in
her wet pussy. Those have relieved many a lonely night for me!
So far, so good. Lot's of enticement and safe flirting and long-distance mutual masturbation, all of which I've enjoyed talking and texting and emailing about with Ellen, all of which has increased my libido. I've also explored opportunities around me, but they are more constrained for many reasons. I'm in Africa where sex needs to be hyper-safe, where I can buy sex locally but don't want to for health and ethical reasons, and where most expats are either young singles or older couples with kids, and the intersection between work life and social life is very tight--everyone knows everyone. But I'm still looking and hoping, while also seeking women closer to home for when I'm there. I contacted a few through websites, but have only had one actual exchange, and that was with a 23 year old in Australia--not too promising.
So last week, Kelly told Ellen that friends of her and Bill--a couple they often play with together--would be going to a lifestyle club in the next state over, and encouraged Ellen to meet them there. Ellen asked me about it, and I encouraged her to go. So she arranged an overnight trip after making arrangements for the kids to overnight with my brother. And off she went, with sexy new dress, undies, and leather boots. She sent me photos before she left the hotel. She looked hot.
Ellen told me she probably would just watch this first time. I told her to enjoy herself, regardless. I really didn't expect her just to watch.
Well, she didn't.
She met up with two couples who regularly go to the club, and who usually get together in one of the private rooms to swap spouses and have fun. After the initial introductions and chit chat, some exploration of the various places around the club, including plenty of people watching, voyeurism, and a whole lot of interest in Ellen from various men, the two couples went off in search of a free room together, and invited Ellen to tag along. The men were definitely hot for her, and apparently the women were, too.
The four of them got right down to business, which surprised Ellen. There wasn't much in the way of flirting or foreplay, they just got naked and the men's heads dove between the women's legs while the women kissed and sucked each others nipples. And it didn't take long before Ellen decided that watching just wasn't enough. She stripped and soon enough had both men taking oral turns between her legs, a woman sucking her nipples and eventually sucking her pussy. She ended up getting fucked by both men, although not at the same time. She said the men were really good at getting her off orally--one even had a dildo that strapped to his chin so he could lick her and chin fuck her at the same time. When I asked if she came, she said "several times." One of the men is better endowed than I am, which Ellen really liked, but apparently he didn't stay with her long enough for her to come while he fucked her.
After a while, she needed a break. The visual and aural and physical sensations were beginning to overwhelm her, as was the novelty of it all, so she got dressed, went off to pee and have a bite to eat, and decided she'd had enough of the couples. She wanted to explore some of the upstairs areas but wasn't sure she could do so alone and keep her wits about her, and she wanted to stay in control. Eventually one of the couples emerged from the room and found her, and they left together and dropped Ellen back at her hotel.
I'd been eager to hear how her night had gone, and was happy to find a Skype text much earlier than I expected that said "I can't sleep. Why can't I sleep??" She had woken early the next morning, but I was really glad, because we had an amazing Skype conversation. She toyed with me as she told the whole story of the day before, from dropping off the kids with my brother to driving for a few hours through a heavy rain to meeting the other couples. Ellen described the club and what was going on, from the sexy pole dancer to the hot amazon dancing in a cage, to the threesomes and moresomes in various corners of the club. I loved hearing about it from her, listening to the thrill in her voice.
I was also eager to know if she "just watched." Once she got to the part where they were all in the room together, I grinned and asked. After a brief hesitation, she giggled, "No."
I flushed hot, and felt a strange knot in my belly, and my cock, which had been semi erect throughout the conversation, suddenly faded. Hmm, what's this? I wondered. Taking a deep breath, I said to Ellen, "Tell me."
As Ellen described her experiences of the men sucking and fucking her, of the women caressing and licking her, my excitement returned and my cock perked up but the knot in my belly didn't go away. I was excited and happy for her, but there was something unsettling, too. This is what we'd talked about. This is what she had wanted, and what I had encouraged. But she had just crossed a bridge in our relationship, and there was no going back. Ellen clearly wanted more, and she said so, because when I asked if she was satiated, she told me no, that she wished she had a hard cock to fuck right then and there as she lay in bed 9,000 miles away from me. She was just bubbling over, tired though she was from a short and very restless night's sleep. She was still horny from the experience and horny from telling me about it.
After we hung up, I took a cold shower, since I was meeting up with a work colleague for dinner. All evening I mulled over in my head how I was feeling. Later when I got back to my apartment, I went online and did some reading about feelings of jealousy and uncertainty in open relationships. It helped. Finally I was able to put a name to what I was feeling. It was envy. Not jealousy of the men who'd fucked Ellen, not jealousy of the women who had sucked and played with her, but envy that she'd crossed the bridge and I was still on the other side, looking across at Ellen's joy and excitement. As one of the men told her the night before, "now you're a Hot Wife." Indeed she is.
So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I logged into ashleymadison.com and sent messages to some women who seemed interesting, hoping to find someone to play with when I get home. I'll be back for a short visit home soon, and the night after I arrive Ellen already has plans to spend an evening with Kelly and others at a different club. We both know I'll be too jet-lagged to participate, and anyway I need to spend time with the kids. Besides, Ellen really wants to explore without me because I inhibit her still. If I was there, she'd be worried what I was thinking and she wouldn't be able to focus only on what she wants. It's true, but it also unsettles me. At some point I want to see and experience the fun with her, but for now, she needs space. And I need to have my own experiences. I want to cross that bridge, too!
You can read Ellen’s version of her Hotwife Debut on her blog – Blissfully Open
That's the Skype message I got this morning from my wife Ellen after her first visit to a "Lifestyle" club. It was also when she suggested that I start a blog about our experiences and my feelings. So here it goes.
Ellen (okay, it's a pseudonym) and I have been together for 20 years, and after kids and careers and just plain familiarity and boredom, our sex life had lost its thrill. Oh, we were hot for each other those first ten years or so--Ellen was young and sexy and adventurous, I was young and keen to please, and we had a lot of fun, including memorable cucumber-centered sex in Greece and a hot anal session on a balcony overlooking a canal in Venice. But even though we lived and worked abroad and had some great experiences as a family, the spark was slowly fading. I worked too hard, Ellen worked too hard, we gave so much attention to our kids that there simply wasn't any energy left for each other. And time takes a toll, on my libido and performance, and on Ellen's energy, mood, and body. She has struggled with mild depression, and after our second child was born and Ellen started working, she gained some weight around her middle, and lost some confidence as she saw that I no longer looked at her with keen interest. I grew up under the influence of Playboy and Penthouse--I'm sexually attracted to women who are fit. Not necessarily thin, but in shape. And I like women who are self-confident and playful. She likes men who are take-charge and energetic enough to keep up with her. So my interest waned over time and I just didn't have the energy to be assertive and get things rolling once the kids were in bed at the end of a long day and we finally had time alone.
A few years ago we confronted the situation. I admitted that my libido was lower, but also that I didn't find her particularly sexually appealing anymore. She was hurt. Very hurt. But as time passed, we were able to talk about it more. Eventually, Ellen quit her job (which she didn't like anyway) and started exercising. I got a full physical to see if there was something going on hormonally, but nothing turned up other than the natural aging process. Still, things weren't getting better. I got some Viagra, but my libido wasn't improving so I never took advantage. And Ellen wasn't really losing weight and still struggled with depression. But hard as it was sometimes, at least we were talking about it.
Then last spring Ellen asked me what I thought about her having liposuction. After a lot of research and some tense discussions, she made an appointment, and this summer it happened. Recovery wasn't fun--she was bruised and achy. But she definitely had her curves back, and as the weeks passed something else came back--her self-confidence and sense of adventure. She had a sparkle in her eyes again. I liked what I saw. She was sexy both physically and emotionally. And just when she was feeling well enough for us to try and rekindle our spark, I had to leave for a four-month trip abroad.
But that wasn't the end. Because we had also discussed the need to leave behind all the assumptions about monogamy, the social constructs, the subconscious puritanism, and admit that what we needed was other people. We'd been talking about opening our marriage since before we had kids. First it was just fantasy and hot talk to spice up our sex life. It helped for a while, but the effects waned over time. We were just too familiar with each other, and the recent years had put too much pressure on each of us to be everything sexually to the other. We inhibited each other with all the emotional baggage that people acquire over a long relationship. So we agreed to take the plunge.
There have been plenty of times since Ellen and I got together when I've met a woman that I was attracted to and whom I would have pursued if given the option. I never did pursue, and felt self-satisfied in my self-control and proud of my loyalty to Ellen. It turns out I probably should have asked her for permission to roam. I think she would have said yes.
Ellen made the first moves after I left on my trip two months ago. She
signed up on some lifestyle websites, and soon had many men contacting her. She
also reached out to a few old lovers, including Adam, who lives on the other
side of the country but is very much into open relationships. Adam provided a
lot of guidance, and not a few hot phone-sex sessions. Ellen kept me informed,
and I discovered the meaning--both literally and emotionally--of compersion. I
got off on the idea of Ellen having phone sex with someone else. She also met
Bill through ashleymadison.com. His initial email interested her and he lives
less than an hour away. As they emailed back and forth, and eventually met for
coffee, Ellen learned that Bill's wife is very much into the whole open
lifestyle scene. Like me, Bill works abroad a lot and his wife Kelly has a
high sex drive, so years ago he encouraged her to have sex with others. Ellen met both of
them at a restaurant a few weeks ago, and although nothing happened beyond some
very frank conversation--Kelly is very blunt and "approved" of Bill's interest in Ellen--they have become her mentors. Bill is very keen to
hook up with Ellen, but he didn't have a chance before starting his most recent
six-month work trip abroad. Nonetheless, they still have steamy SMS and email
sessions. Ellen has also been doing some shopping for new lingerie and sex
toys, and has sent some great photos of herself to me as well as to Bill and
Adam. I even got something very unexpected; photos of Ellen with her fingers in
her wet pussy. Those have relieved many a lonely night for me!So far, so good. Lot's of enticement and safe flirting and long-distance mutual masturbation, all of which I've enjoyed talking and texting and emailing about with Ellen, all of which has increased my libido. I've also explored opportunities around me, but they are more constrained for many reasons. I'm in Africa where sex needs to be hyper-safe, where I can buy sex locally but don't want to for health and ethical reasons, and where most expats are either young singles or older couples with kids, and the intersection between work life and social life is very tight--everyone knows everyone. But I'm still looking and hoping, while also seeking women closer to home for when I'm there. I contacted a few through websites, but have only had one actual exchange, and that was with a 23 year old in Australia--not too promising.
So last week, Kelly told Ellen that friends of her and Bill--a couple they often play with together--would be going to a lifestyle club in the next state over, and encouraged Ellen to meet them there. Ellen asked me about it, and I encouraged her to go. So she arranged an overnight trip after making arrangements for the kids to overnight with my brother. And off she went, with sexy new dress, undies, and leather boots. She sent me photos before she left the hotel. She looked hot.
Ellen told me she probably would just watch this first time. I told her to enjoy herself, regardless. I really didn't expect her just to watch.
Well, she didn't.
She met up with two couples who regularly go to the club, and who usually get together in one of the private rooms to swap spouses and have fun. After the initial introductions and chit chat, some exploration of the various places around the club, including plenty of people watching, voyeurism, and a whole lot of interest in Ellen from various men, the two couples went off in search of a free room together, and invited Ellen to tag along. The men were definitely hot for her, and apparently the women were, too.
The four of them got right down to business, which surprised Ellen. There wasn't much in the way of flirting or foreplay, they just got naked and the men's heads dove between the women's legs while the women kissed and sucked each others nipples. And it didn't take long before Ellen decided that watching just wasn't enough. She stripped and soon enough had both men taking oral turns between her legs, a woman sucking her nipples and eventually sucking her pussy. She ended up getting fucked by both men, although not at the same time. She said the men were really good at getting her off orally--one even had a dildo that strapped to his chin so he could lick her and chin fuck her at the same time. When I asked if she came, she said "several times." One of the men is better endowed than I am, which Ellen really liked, but apparently he didn't stay with her long enough for her to come while he fucked her.
After a while, she needed a break. The visual and aural and physical sensations were beginning to overwhelm her, as was the novelty of it all, so she got dressed, went off to pee and have a bite to eat, and decided she'd had enough of the couples. She wanted to explore some of the upstairs areas but wasn't sure she could do so alone and keep her wits about her, and she wanted to stay in control. Eventually one of the couples emerged from the room and found her, and they left together and dropped Ellen back at her hotel.
I'd been eager to hear how her night had gone, and was happy to find a Skype text much earlier than I expected that said "I can't sleep. Why can't I sleep??" She had woken early the next morning, but I was really glad, because we had an amazing Skype conversation. She toyed with me as she told the whole story of the day before, from dropping off the kids with my brother to driving for a few hours through a heavy rain to meeting the other couples. Ellen described the club and what was going on, from the sexy pole dancer to the hot amazon dancing in a cage, to the threesomes and moresomes in various corners of the club. I loved hearing about it from her, listening to the thrill in her voice.
I was also eager to know if she "just watched." Once she got to the part where they were all in the room together, I grinned and asked. After a brief hesitation, she giggled, "No."
I flushed hot, and felt a strange knot in my belly, and my cock, which had been semi erect throughout the conversation, suddenly faded. Hmm, what's this? I wondered. Taking a deep breath, I said to Ellen, "Tell me."
As Ellen described her experiences of the men sucking and fucking her, of the women caressing and licking her, my excitement returned and my cock perked up but the knot in my belly didn't go away. I was excited and happy for her, but there was something unsettling, too. This is what we'd talked about. This is what she had wanted, and what I had encouraged. But she had just crossed a bridge in our relationship, and there was no going back. Ellen clearly wanted more, and she said so, because when I asked if she was satiated, she told me no, that she wished she had a hard cock to fuck right then and there as she lay in bed 9,000 miles away from me. She was just bubbling over, tired though she was from a short and very restless night's sleep. She was still horny from the experience and horny from telling me about it.
After we hung up, I took a cold shower, since I was meeting up with a work colleague for dinner. All evening I mulled over in my head how I was feeling. Later when I got back to my apartment, I went online and did some reading about feelings of jealousy and uncertainty in open relationships. It helped. Finally I was able to put a name to what I was feeling. It was envy. Not jealousy of the men who'd fucked Ellen, not jealousy of the women who had sucked and played with her, but envy that she'd crossed the bridge and I was still on the other side, looking across at Ellen's joy and excitement. As one of the men told her the night before, "now you're a Hot Wife." Indeed she is.
So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I logged into ashleymadison.com and sent messages to some women who seemed interesting, hoping to find someone to play with when I get home. I'll be back for a short visit home soon, and the night after I arrive Ellen already has plans to spend an evening with Kelly and others at a different club. We both know I'll be too jet-lagged to participate, and anyway I need to spend time with the kids. Besides, Ellen really wants to explore without me because I inhibit her still. If I was there, she'd be worried what I was thinking and she wouldn't be able to focus only on what she wants. It's true, but it also unsettles me. At some point I want to see and experience the fun with her, but for now, she needs space. And I need to have my own experiences. I want to cross that bridge, too!
You can read Ellen’s version of her Hotwife Debut on her blog – Blissfully Open
