September 6: A Feast of Fucking and a Bit of Bi in Our First Three-way MFM

Labor Day weekend was the week before Ellen’s birthday. I’d played with Mona on Saturday night and Sunday morning, and Ellen had gotten together with Ron in a motel for some afternoon delight on that Monday when Ron and Nora were heading home from the weekend at the club. Ellen had told me she wanted to get together with them for lunch because she needed to talk things over with Ron from their previous weekend together, which had been a bit weird. I knew there would be sex involved somehow; Ellen admitted that they had never been together when they hadn’t fucked. As it happened, they met for lunch and, sensing their mutual urgency, Nora suggested they get a room at a nearby motel and she went shopping to give them space for a few hours.

I was working outside with the kids, doing yard work, when Ellen got home and insisted that I take a break and let the kids keep working. I headed inside, expecting to hear about Ellen’s sexcapades with Ron, only to find her hot for more fucking. I was definitely game, as I’d been a few weeks earlier when she wanted to fuck on the deck while the kids were out caring for our vacationing neighbors’ garden. That time, I was fucking her from behind as she bent over the railing when the kids came home early, announcing that the neighbors had returned. That brought a very abrupt end to our deck fuck, to our mutual frustration. And this time, I was just entering Ellen as she lay open to me on our bed when we heard the pitter patter of feet on the stairs; our older boy had come in to ask if he could take a break from the yard work. Through the closed locked door, I gruffly told him no, he had to go finish the job, and a short snippy argument ensued until I told him to go away because we were having sex! This did the trick and also brought a surprised smile to Ellen’s face. But the mood was broken and my enthusiasm flagged along with my erection. Our small, crowded home was just not conducive to good spontaneous sex.

So I was very keen for some Ellen-centered action when we headed down south to the club on the Friday night before Ellen’s birthday. We’d planned this in hopes of another gang-bang, but the club had changed its theme nights. This was going to be our first outing together since the disastrous Memorial Day weekend, and I was determined to make it fun. I was feeling strong and happy and fully on top of my game thanks to my time with Mona, and I looked forward to sharing that feeling with Ellen. I knew that Ron and Nora would be there, but decided not to let Ellen’s distraction with Ron get under my skin.

At Ellen’s suggestion, we’d gotten a room at a different motel that was further away from the club but had no history for either of us. I was okay with that, although I wondered if my time with Mona had soured the other place for Ellen. Anyway, we got changed and Ellen donned a very sexy school girl outfit (the theme for the evening) with no undies while I dressed as a teacher with white shirt and tie. She looked very hot and sexy, while I looked (but didn’t feel like) a bit of a dweeb.

Even though the gang bang night had been rescheduled to a week night (who the hell knows why!), I was keen to arrange a gang bang for Ellen. As soon as we walked into the club, I start recruiting. There was a hot looking black guy whom I knew Ellen would like, and a number of other likely candidates for a gang bang who I invited to fuck Ellen later in the fish bowl room. To my surprise, Ellen was red faced with embarrassment, but she embarrassed easily when not in the throes of passion, and I was on a mission to get her well and truly fucked, theme or no theme. The guys I talked to seemed interested—Ellen looked very fuckable, after all—but surprised that I was being so overt.

Soon, Ron and Nora arrived with Celeste in tow and greetings, introductions, hugs and kisses were traded, along with small talk, but I had plans and was horny for Ellen. We were upstairs leaning on the bar where I’d watched plenty of action before, and I wanted to get thing started. I began kissing Ellen and fingering her under her tiny skirt; she was receptive and already wet. Then I told Ellen to sit on the bar. I went down on her and licked her pussy as Ron moved behind the bar and, grabbing a towel for her to sit on, let Ellen lean against him. She twisted her head and they kissed passionately while Nora played with her tits and I licked and finger fucked her to an orgasm. At one point, I looked around and saw a lot of people watching, which is a huge turn on for me and I know for Ellen. This felt good in so many ways!

The hunger I saw in the eyes of a few men gave me an idea—pussy bar. Certain that Ellen would wave off anyone she didn’t want, I invited an older gentleman who had been watching avidly to have a taste of Ellen’s sweet nectar, and then checked to make sure Ellen was okay with this. He was happy to oblige and Ellen seemed content to go with it. He licked her and Ellen seemed to have a good time. Another heavy set man was next—he and his wife had greeted Ron and Nora before the action started and seemed to be familiar to Ellen, so I assumed she’d played with him before when I invited him to have a go between Ellen’s legs. He did so, but she soon called a halt and announced she needed a drink. I later learned that she wasn’t keen on him.

We gathered ourselves together and I fetched Ellen and me a drink, and with Ron and Nora, who had attached themselves to us, we all walked around and took in the growing crowd, looking down over the dance floor from above. Bent over the railing as she was, Ellen’s hot ass was all too inviting, and I was exploring freely with my hands, as was Ron. My cock was again ready for action as I recalled our interrupted time on our deck in the same position, so I unzipped and took Ellen from behind. Surprised, Ellen handed Nora her drink, but we somehow knocked into her and she dropped the glass, which shattered on the floor.While Nora and Ron helpfully picked up pieces of glass, Ellen urged me to go down and “get the lube” from the locker where we’d stashed our bag and Ellen’s purse, so that we could move to the fish bowl for more fun.

With lube in hand, we four headed into the fish bowl room that provided lots of people a good view of the bed, and we left the door and the window open for anyone wishing to join. A stocky bald man came into the room with us, and I continued to recruit while laying down the ground rules—men and women are welcome, men should be naked, hard, and wearing a condom. I sat near Ellen on the bed while the bald guy went down on her and finger-fucked her while Ron and Nora played together, then Ron took a turn with Ellen, finger-fucking her to G-spot orgasms while the bald guy played with Nora. To her surprise, he eventually blew his wad on her chest, which Nora wasn’t particularly thrilled about.

I’d recruited another guy watching through the window, whom I later learned was named Jake. He looked pretty hot—muscular and handsome with a British or Aussie accent; I couldn’t tell for the noise of the throbbing music. Jake quickly got naked and joined Nora, licking her and fucking her hard, to her evident pleasure, and then the guy switched over to Ellen and I made room for him, going over to play a bit with Nora. “Oh, you’re going to like him, Ellen,” Nora said as he plunged enthusiastically into Ellen. She did indeed!

Jake was hard bodied and very happy to play with us all. Ellen ran her hands over his muscular body and gripped his ass, pulling him harder into her and urging him on—she came again and again. Although I was playing with Nora, I was distracted by the action next to me and finally just sat back to watch, which Ron had been doing, too. Ellen’s pleasure was affecting Jake, and he finally let out a gasp and came loudly, which set Ellen off again. This was all watched by a tall young man named Rob, whom I’d talked to earlier, and who was keen for a turn with Ellen.

Dean, the first guy at our pussy bar earlier, had been watching the action. His wife told us later that eating Ellen had been the highlight of his night. He seemed keen to watch us in the fish bowl but also bit intimidated and he never came in to join the action. Since he was nearby, I asked him to bring us some water, as I knew Ellen would be parched. He did, and she sucked down the water greedily as Jake expressed his appreciation for the fun and got dressed.

After quenching her thirst, Ellen announced that she had to pee, and donning only a pair of shoes, walked off to the bathroom completely naked; this was a first, and amazed us all. When she returned, Rob eagerly dove between Ellen’s legs and licked her and fingered her. He donned a condom and thrust inside Ellen, and they bucked together avidly. At one point he twisted Ellen’s legs to one side and straddle one thigh, while her other leg wrapped around his waist and gripped him tightly. Soon they were both coming hard. After pulling out and as he got dressed, he called out in his slight southern twang, “Ma’am, I salute you!”

Well, that got us all laughing and we chatted and bantered while Ellen recovered. Rob then thanked me, which I thought was gracious but I told him he should really thank Ellen; she was the one who’d really shared herself. Well, the bald dude was back, interested in having a go with Ellen, and at the same time, Celeste showed up to join us. Ellen wasn’t interested in the bald guy nor in spending time around Celeste and Ron, so we all got dressed and headed down to the bar and buffet for refreshments.

I wandered around taking in the sights and looking for interesting couples that might be willing to engage with Ellen and me. I also noticed Ellen and Ron chatting, so I went over to join the conversation. Having already had a lovely time, and beginning to feel amorous again, I leaned in and tried to kiss Ellen, but she backed away and asked me what my intention was. I didn't really understand the question; I was totally into her that night, simple as that. But I got the message. I could tell Ellen and Ron wanted some time alone and, although I wasn’t keen on the idea, I suggested they go off together; they did.

I took the opportunity to troll around and look for couples to play with later, but without Ellen, I didn’t stand a chance. There were some cute younger couples in the orgy area behind the upstairs bar playing, and I noticed Rob was with them, too. They were fun to watch but just as I was thinking about asking to join, I could see the energy waning. I missed the opportunity as everyone cooled off and began to hunt for items of clothing. I didn’t see Celeste anywhere, but noticed that Nora was sitting at bar eating a plate of food. We traded small talk but I didn’t really have much to say, and I felt a weird energy from her—she was very focused on eating—so I moved on.

I leaned over the railing and watched the action on the dance floor. Another guy joined me and we chatted a bit, exchanging comments about the people we thought were hot. He was a volunteer staff member and therefore not available to play later, which I had asked him about, knowing Ellen hadn’t really gotten her gang bang. As we watched the dance floor, I kept noticing one enticing couple about Ellen’s age. They were both very attractive and having fun together, while the woman flirted with other sexy ladies. I decided to see if there was a chance to get to know them, and excused myself to head down to join the throngs of dancing bodies. The woman had pulled herself up into the cage to dance with another sexy lady while her husband looked on. I danced up to him, looking on appreciatively at his wife, and then asked they guy if she would mind me asking to touch, to which he replied with a knowing smile, "she'll cut you!" So much for getting to know them.

Well, if I wasn’t going to have success with couples, I thought, I’d look around for single women. At a table near the buffet was a young, intense looking woman who had watched us in the fish bowl earlier. I introduced myself and asked to join her, and she tentatively agreed. Amy, I learned, was a voyeur, and in her opinion thought that the same gender knows best how to please each other. I got the message—there wasn’t going to be any action for me here—but I also knew that Ellen wouldn’t agree with Amy’s contention and I said so. This peaked Amy’s interest and a lively conversation ensued. She wanted to know if my wife knew where I was and what I was doing, and I assured her that the hot woman she’d seen in the fish bowl was my wife, and she was with her favorite play partner at that very moment. I also told her that my favorite wasn't there. At some point she asked me if I was bisexual, and I told her that I'm open minded if the time and energy and person is right, but it hadn’t happened yet.

This turned out to be a prophetic conversation.

After trolling around again upstairs, Ellen and Ron eventually turned up. When I went to kiss Ellen she pulled away again and seemed a bit distant. Trying not to over-think, which I have a tendency to do, I shrug off a slight irritation and saw Jake come up to us. Celeste also came by, and Ron and she headed off, leaving the three of us to chat. Jake was obviously keen for another go, but Ellen whispered into my ear that he needed a shower—she has a highly sensitive nose and he’d worked up a sweat earlier. While Ellen was getting a drink of water, I told Jake that he should take advantage of the showers downstairs, since Ellen likes guys to be fresh. He got the message, and headed off for a shower while Ellen and I got some snacks.

Ellen seemed to be warming up to me again—we have a complicated chemistry but were both trying to keep it light and fun. Pretty soon, Jake turned up again as we’d wandered back upstairs to the same bar where the evening had started, and soon both Jake and I were getting Ellen not just warm, but hot. She was back up on the bar and we were taking turns kissing and sucking her tits and licking and fingering her pussy. Jake tentatively reached out and put a hand on my shoulder as I was going down on Ellen, and I sensed that he was testing the waters. I let it remain—it felt fine. When I suggested that we get a room, Jake and Ellen quickly agreed.

We found a room in the back of the first floor and I closed the door as we stripped down. I was hard and rearing to go, and soon I was inside Ellen fucking her hard while Jake sucked her tits and rubbed her clit, occasionally touching my cock lightly as it thrust in and out of Ellen’s juicy pussy. She came and came again, and Jake held us both tightly as we all explored this new threesome potential. Soon we switched places. Jake fucked Ellen to a series of body-wracking orgasms and I moved to her head and offered her my cock, which took hungrily into her mouth. I reached over and grasped Jake’s shoulder as he fucked my wife, and then he leaned down to kiss Ellen on her cock-filled mouth and, after checking if we were okay, opened his mouth and took my cock in. This felt interesting, with the prickle of his cheek hairs on my thigh, but also totally natural. Ellen was wide-eyed but still enthusiastic at this new turn of events. They took turns sucking my cock and licking my shaft and balls, and I thoroughly enjoyed the sensation and the sight of my wife and a hot muscular man giving me head while they fucked each other. A MFM fantasy come true, but with the added spice of some bi-action as well.

Ellen needed a breather, and after Jake had taken off the condom he’d used while fucking Ellen, and was still hard, I decided to return the favor. He was standing at the foot of the bed, and I’d moved around to to lick Ellen’s pussy again but decided to take the opportunity of his cock waving in my face, so I asked permission and then took his thick cock into my mouth. It tasted manly and felt firm and soft—interesting and pleasant. His hand was on my head, gently guiding me and he gave very slight thrusts of his hips. I didn’t suck for long, and I think Ellen took over sucking him me while Jake stooped down to kiss me in thanks. I again felt his five-o’clock shadow and tongue thrusting into my mouth, and I decided I wasn’t so keen on kissing a guy. I had been kissed by a gay friend many years before, but hadn’t really liked it then, either. Tim had a moustache that tickled and he had been trying to recruit me for months, but one night after he’d plied me with drinks and then surprised me with an aggressive kiss and plunging tongue, I pulled away and had to tell him that I simply wasn’t attracted to him. That took care of that situation. Jake, on the other hand, was an attractive man with a great energy and playful eyes, and I was totally at ease with him and with what we had just done.

Well, we had another round of fucking and sucking with Ellen at the center. It felt so good to fuck her and enjoy ourselves together after so many missed chances and off-evenings. I felt a level of connection to her that night that was as intense as anything we’d shared in a long time. We all had a lot of fun, and the energy we three had together was warm and easy and intimate. Jake came again as they fucked a last time. I wished I could have, too, but orgasm wasn’t going to happen for me that night even though I got very close again and again.

As we chilled out after our last bout, talking and getting to know Jake, I sensed a mounting urgency from Ellen to get out of the room. I could tell that the way this part of the evening had gone was beginning to sink in and she was very unsettled. So we got dressed and gave Jake hugs and kisses and a fond farewell. Ellen said she needed to pee and made a beeline around the club looking for Ron and Nora and the bathroom all at once. It was later than we’d realized and we were among the last members left in the club. As we got our things together from the locker, I could see that Ellen was distressed—Ron and Nora had already left.

We headed for the car in the garage across the street, and Ellen was very withdrawn. During the 20 minute drive across town to our motel, she barely talked to me, but texted furiously with Ron or Nora; I didn’t know which one, and Ellen didn’t tell me.  I suddenly felt a wide gulf between us. I was driving, and might as well have been a taxi driver for all the warmth and attention Ellen gave me. I was getting more and more irritated as she texted and focused on her phone, but I kept my emotions at bay, figuring that anything I said would make the situation worse. I knew she shuts down when processing intense emotions, so I gave her space to connect with her friends even if it hurt to be ignored. It never occurred to Ellen that her distance could be interpreted by a less confident husband after his first bisexual experience as a judgmental rejection. But I was totally at ease with how things had gone with Jake.

The next day, we did process our experience to some degree. We agreed that it had been a lot of fun, but our perceptions of the evening and each other’s actions were not as harmonious as I had hoped, particularly in relation to her and Ron and me. It was the first time Ellen had experienced me as a self-confident and enthusiastic swinger. My assertiveness had taken her by surprise, apparently Ron and Nora, too, as I later learned. Our conversation the next morning left me in a muddle about the night and my role in our open relationship as well as Ellen’s expectations of me when Ron was around, but it was Ellen’s birthday and I wanted to keep things light and positive, so I pushed my uncertainty aside and focused on the fun we’d had. We both agreed that another opportunity to play together with Jake would be most welcome.

August 31: Labor Day, Lusty Night

After another rough week dealing with relationship, health, and financial issues, Ellen suggested I go out to the club up north. She had wanted to go, too, but she had various minor health reason that prevented her from having intercourse with anyone. Feeling horny but unable to partake of Ellen's particular delights, I decided to go. Mona would be there, and I looked forward to her lovely TLC and great sexual energy to get me out of my funk.

I arrived early and watched the Sex Olympics out in the garden, in which Ron and Kelly both participated along with a number of other men and women in various events involving blow jobs, toys, and eating pussy. It was interesting to watch but not particularly sexy or exciting. Fortunately Mona arrived and rescued me from ennui. I went with her to the locker room, where she changed into a sexy string skirt and cute colorful bra-like top and G-string, and we wandered out to the garden to chat with people. It was a luau theme night, but as we talked we learned that the yurt was also going to be open and set up as a dungeon for some BDSM that night. We decided to check it out.

There was a St. Andrews Cross flogging station, a wooden "horse" bench to lay over for what I later learned would be electric play, and it was getting me hot and bothered. Fortunately there was a basket of condoms at hand, so after some heavy petty I told Mona to lie down on the massage table that was at hand—a perfect height and good option in lieu of a froggy chair—and I pulled her G-string to the side and thrust my hard cock into her, fucking her hard. It was fun, especially because it wasn't at all clear whether the yurt was ready for play and we might get "caught". A couple of body-quaking orgasms later (for Mona) I pulled out and helped her to her feet. Leaving the yurt we ran into a single guy and told him with chuckle that he'd missed the show!

Well, we chitchatted again, had dinner, watched the Sex Olympics awards and poi eating contest, and finally the music started and we headed out onto the dance floor for some erotic orgasmic dancing. We both relish the public finger-fucking and nipplegasms that send Mona into ecstasy as she thrusts against my hand in time to the music, and it never fails to get me hard while igniting other couples passions around us.

We decided to go out and see what the action was like in the yurt. There were three stations, and about a dozen people watching as one woman was flogged on the St. Andrews Cross, another woman was enjoying fire play on the massage table, and a third woman was experiencing the tingles of an electric wand on the wooden horse. Mona was intrigued by the fire play, as was I, but since I have yet to shave or wax all of my body hair I knew I wasn’t a candidate for that. Instead I opted for the electric wand, which was the first station to come open. The woman wielding the wand was well versed in its use, and the sensation as she touch different erogenous zones was amazing. Behind the knees, my upper thighs, my ass cheeks, my neck and scalp, and then closer and closer to groin, teasing me and zeroing in on my balls and perineum; this sent me rattling and roiling in a near orgasmic spasm. It reminded me of my reaction to hot wax—I liked the intensely focused sensations. Mona watched and enjoyed my reactions, but declines to partake—she was more interested in the fire play.

She lay out on the table before the muscular bald Master-of-the-Fire, and he initiated her by first gently and quickly burning away the fine hairs on her legs, thighs, belly and chest. The smell of burnt hair wafted through the air, a scent that was oddly compelling in this setting. Then he began more concentrated and intense touches of the torch and waves of his hands. Mona squirmed as he focused on her nipples, gasping with surprise and pleasure mixed with fear—this was fire touching her. Then he sent the torch down to her part legs and again brought gasps of mingled pleasure and pain. She was certainly enjoying it, and trusted his confident technique—he never stopped whispering to her and assuring her that she was safe.

Mona reached the end of the play as I did—body alive to the new erotic sensation, but ready for more traditional fingers, mouths, cock and cunt. I still wanted to try the flogging station, but the flogger was another guy, and I wanted a woman to flog me, so we watched a bit longer as a sexy French Canadian couple took their turns with the electric wand and the fire table. We compared our experiences afterward, and agreed that it was an area worth exploring more.

After the yurt dungeon, Mona and I headed to the hot tub, where we met an attractive Persian couple that really intrigued me; he spoke English well and had lived in the US for a while, but his pretty buxom partner had just arrived from Iran. Apparently not everything is as it seems in Iran. We were soon joined by three younger couples, some of whom were new to the club and the lifestyle. One beautiful blond woman was totally new and uncertain. As we all made small talk, Mona and I caressed each other under the water; Mona stroked my hard cock and I fingered her, sucking her nipples until she came. This got the others interested; another lovely blond woman started kissing the new girl, who was unsettled, obviously caught between liking the erotic and sensuous touch and the breaking of a taboo. Another couple sat on the edge of the hot tub watching as the man finger-fucking his pretty sexy brunette partner. The new woman by now was straddling her partner, gently humping him in the water and kissing. A Canadian couple I’d been interested in the very first time I was at the club with Ellen (see Going and Coming Together) had just finished playing upstairs and were revived—he asked new girl if he could touch her and she blushed and panted and said "I don't know how to say no." to which we replied in unison "Just like that!"

I was getting overheated and had to get out of the water, sitting on the side, which gave Mona a perfect position to take me into her mouth and give me great head. I got a fantastic view of her lovely mouth plunging down my cock while also watching as the new guy went down on his partner as she floated spread eagle in hot tub, coming to a series of intense orgasms. I was close, too; it was such a strong erotic current in the hot tub, and Mona and I had gotten it started with our play and energy, which was a head rush.

After a while Mona and I were ready for a change of scenery and headed for a very extended froggy chair fuck at top of stairs. Again we seemed to garner more than our share of attention as we had lots of amused and interested looks from other couples and groupings. The resident triad and their playmates of the moment were in an upper bunk area nearby and I saw Dana leaning out to watch us and smiling down at me. I could see her and her friends in the mirror behind Mona’s head watching intently and with evident enjoyment and bemusement at Mona’s ecstatic cries and moans. We had an audience again, and it only served to feed our already intense erotic energy.

At one point Mark and Beth (they were my first full swap with Ellen) walked by after finishing their fuck. Both had big sexy smiles for us, and Beth had certainly had seen my progress over the months. As I was fucking Mona to another body-racking orgasm Mark gave me a big slap on the back and a "You go, dude" for encouragement and brotherhood. I felt like I was finally myself—the confident and enthusiastic lover that I had so lost touch with—and a fully-fledged member of the club!

After our long loud bout of fucking fun, it was break time. Fluid, food, and chitchat with Bill and Kelly down on the dance floor. Then we were back in the hot tub chatting and gently caressing each other before drying off and finding a cozy spot to settle in for the night. We played a bit, and Mona gave me a wonderful blow job that ended with me cumming hard and loud. As I came down to earth, we listened to others play while caressing and dozing. I slept well, content and cozy with Mona’s warm body snuggled up beside me.

In the morning we awoke and played leisurely. Mona wanted to blow me again, and I had extended dry orgasms. I knew I wasn't going to ejaculate (she wanted her morning protein) but I told her I thought I now better understood female orgasms, the roiling multiple peaks that seem to connect one after the other in a long series. For me they weren’t as mind-blowing and deeply intensely centered as when I ejaculate, but they were whole body racking and incredibly pleasurable in a very different way. I told Mona she'd put me in touch with my inner cunt; she laughed at that. Then it was time to leave, so we had a quick shower, dressed and parted ways after a last passionate kiss by her car.

The morning’s experience left me feeling tingling and wanting more, something I hadn't really experience but that Ellen had said happens to her for days after going out to play. And it is holding true for me, too. I'd really like to share the energy with Ellen! But that evening, after some initial kissing and caressing and playfulness, Ellen redirected me to go do story-time for the boys, and that broke the mood. I dutifully ceased and headed downstairs, and the moment passed, which is sadly all too common at home.

I knew that we needed to get out of the house and out of our normal routines if we wanted to rekindle passion between us. I also knew that I had to overcome Ellen’s normal reticence and diversionary techniques if we were going to rediscover our positive sexual energy. We’d managed to do so on a few occasions this last year, but I also sensed that we were growing apart rather than growing together, that the limits within our relationship were more rigid than those with others, and overcoming those required us to lower our barriers and be vulnerable and willing. I knew I was still hesitant with Ellen—she has a unique ability to make me feel inept as a lover, and I haven’t like that feeling, so I avoid reaching out or else I am hesitant, which is not my usual nature. Mona has helped me rediscover myself as a creative, open-minded and skilled lover, and it is this I want to share with Ellen most of all. After all, it is Ellen whom I share my life with, and it is with her I seek the deepest intimacy and connection. 

August 17: Hot and Bothered at the Raunchy Motel

Ellen and I had had a rough week and at the last minute I canceled my Wednesday night Air Sex date with Mona at the club up north because Ellen and I weren’t in a good place. We were planning to go out together on Saturday night to the club and try to reconnect, but unfortunately Ellen was not feeling up to it on Friday. She suggested that I go out alone, perhaps to the club down south since I’d have an easier time as a single male there. I agreed, not without some mixed feelings.

On Friday, I sent Mona a text letting her know my plans on the off chance that she might be interested in meeting up at the club. She was at a music festival at a nudist resort in the mountains a few hours away from there for the weekend. To my surprise and relief (after canceling our earlier date at short nortice), Mona responded with enthusiasm, and we made plans to meet up at the club, which she’d not been to before.

That day on the drive down, I took a break at a rest stop and texted Mona, letting her know that I was on the way and that I planned to stay the night at a funky motel; the same one Ellen normally stayed at and played at with Ron and Nora after visits to the club. Ellen and I had stayed there together once before, too, after our gang bang back in March. I asked Mona if she wanted to meet up for dinner, or at the club, or at the motel and head to the club together, and she opted out of dinner but said she’d meet me at the motel. She also inquired about the club’s dress code, since it was more of a night club than the one we normally met at. I assured her that anything she wore would be sexy and appropriate for the club.

I grabbed a quick bite to eat at a local joint near the motel, then checked in, texted Mona the room number, and stretched out on the bed for a catnap after the long drive down; I figured it would be a late night. Mona arrived about an hour later, knocking gently on the door. I opened it to find Mona wearing a sexy come-hither grin and a white summer skirt and halter. We kissed deeply and held each other tightly as my hands roamed and discovered that she was wearing no panties, and then I pulled her in and closed the door. She looked great, but she was nervous about going to a new club not looking her best—the outfit she had was more summer picnic than sexy sophisticated night club. I assured her it didn’t matter, but as we got more and more distracted with each other, Mona suggested that we just stay in and take advantage of the bed and the privacy, and save a few bucks in cover charge.

Well, I’d been keen to explore the club with Mona, and the suggestion to stay in sort of threw me. Ellen expected that we would go to the club, and probably meet up with Ron and Nora, who were almost always there on weekends unless they went to the club up north. At the same time, I considered Mona’s hesitation about how she looked and knew from Ellen that women like to feel confident when they go out for the night. Then there was the fact that Ellen herself had played with Ron (along with Nora, since they always went out together) on numerous occasions at the same motel; post club and morning sex was all part of her weekend fun. And the fact that I’d already paid for the room and wouldn’t have to pay my cover charge at the club, saving a few bucks. And besides, what did it matter where we fucked? I heard Ellen’s rationalizations about motel sex the first time with Ron and Nora, which hadn’t really set well with me. I recalled her comments about how plans sometimes change or evolve unexpectantly and that she likes to go with the flow. All of these rationalizations, along with Mona’s hot kisses and caresses, overcame the voice of caution about the change of plans, and soon we were naked and on the bed.

We had fun! A long night of fucking, sucking, licking, thrusting, humping, Mona coming over and over again. At one point I was finger-fucking her pussy to a series of orgasms, seeking and finding her G-spot, and she squirted into my cupped palm and onto the bed, leaving a wet spot. “Good thing we have two beds,” she panted, giggling, before I brought her to another wet orgasm as my fingers thrust in her and my palm slapped and splashed against her swollen pussy lips.

In between long bouts of passion, we cuddled and caressed and talked. In one sense it felt cozy and natural being there with Mona outside of the club atmosphere. On the other hand, the little voice in my head kept distracting me; it also felt illicit there in a seedy motel with another woman. And as much fun as we had, and as great as Mona is in giving head, I couldn't seem to reach that point of no return and really come hard. I had a series of dry orgasms, but not the body racking, soul shaking orgasm I really needed.

It was very late when I asked Mona whether she still planned to drive back to the resort, which had been her plan. She didn’t think driving in the mountains in the wee hours of the morning was a good idea, and neither did I, so we cuddled up and settled in for the night. I’d told Ellen that Mona wasn’t planning on staying the night, and here was another change of plans. Not a big deal, I thought as I hushed the voice in my head and drifted off to sleep with Mona pressed tightly next to me.

In the morning, I woke both antsy and horny. I woke Mona with a nipplegasm and some tasty pussy licking, followed by a vigorous fuck. The antsiness began to overcome my fun and I was keen to get going but Mona was keen to reciprocate and really wanted me to cum. Her talented and tenacious blow job brought me close over and over, but I couldn't get me off. I was too unsettled, and regretfully told her so. “I’m missing my protein shake this morning,” she pouted playfully after releasing my cock from her lips. After a shower and soapy gropes, Mona got dressed and we kissed goodbye. I’d had a lot of fun with her but was happy to be alone to sort out my feelings. I checked out of the motel, had a good breakfast and set out for the long drive north, mulling over the events and my actions.

When I got home, Ellen came out of the house to greet me and we sat on the bench in the yard and talked about the night. I told her everything immediately, wanting to be completely honest. Ellen wasn't pleased but didn't make a big deal since she understood the rationalizations and practical issues, although she did suggest I could have called or texted. I apologized to her, still not exactly clear what line was crossed but nonetheless aware that my own uneasiness with the night and her reaction were cause enough to seek forgiveness. Ironically, Ellen was faced with a very similar scenario a week later with Ron and Nora at the very same motel—Nora suggested they stay in and play—but Ellen couldn't text me to check in because I'd gone camping with kids and wasn't textable. So they went to club, but Ellen understood my dilemma and I understood her point about plans changing and us being flexible. All in all it was a good lesson and a reminder to us both about the importance of clear expectations and timely communication, and the risk of rationalizing away that voice in ours heads urging caution.

August 10. The Gift that Keeps Giving and a Four-way Swap

Mona and I had a date to meet up at the club planned for the following Wednesday, so I was surprised to get a text from her asking if I planned to go to the party on the upcoming Saturday night. It hadn't been my intention, but Ellen was still out of action for a bit longer and she encouraged me to go. I was pleasantly surprised, but grateful for Ellen's support, particularly since she seemed to recognize how beneficial my recent experiences were for my sense of confidence and my ego. I felt as if I had rediscovered myself as a lover, as a sexual being, much as she had when she first started going out alone. And I really appreciated Ellen's selflessness and consideration. After all, she would be with the kids while I got to play. I knew she was feeling envious after a hiatus from the clubs for various medical reasons, although she'd had a recent play time with Bill and Kelly at their house, which was a first non-club, non-hotel venue for sex with others.

So I headed North to the club, enjoying the sense of expectation of seeing Mona again. We were splitting the couples party fee; I didn't feel right having her pay my way, nor did I feel it appropriate to pay for her, since spending our money on a partner is pretty much reserved for Ellen and me. I clarified this with Mona as we met up together at the club entrance...after exchanging a passionate kiss hello, of course.

The party theme was belly dancing. I planned to ware my Shalwar Kameez that I'd gotten during a recent work trip to South Asia. Mona, who has been taking belly dancing lessons, showed up with a very sexy belly dancing outfit with long ropy and very revealing skirt that, once she'd gotten into it, barely covered her naked ass and pussy. She had a short halter-like covering for her tits and shoulders that left her midriff bare. I'm a sucker for a sexy bare midriff!

Mona and I were planning to spend the night together for the first time, and I had brought a sheet and blanket to share. While getting changed out of our street clothes and into our various get-ups, a couple dressed in full Arabian Nights costume—him in a Sheikh's turban and flowing robes, she in a Scheherazade costume with full wig and half veil—came over to say hello to Mona. I was introduced to Jim and Karen, whom Mona had played with one morning a few weeks previously. They were keen to get together with Mona again and Karen's body language made it clear that she was interested in me, too. Mona let me know later that she was willing but didn't want to spend a lot of time with them; she really wanted to be with me this evening. That was fine with me, although I was definitely intrigued by Karen; I sensed a very erotic energy from her, and an enticing face and body beneath that costume.

We chatted with a variety of people over cocktails, including Sara, with whom Mona traded insights into the delights of coconut oil as a lubricant. We ended up sitting with Karen and Jim for dinner. Jim is the dominant in that relationship, and Karen does his bidding. At one point, Mona went for another drink and to chat with the belly dancers who were about to perform—she knew one of them from her class—and Jim told Karen to sit next to me...in Mona's seat. And to pay some attention to me. Well, that lead to some passionate kissing and groping between me and Karen until Mona returned. “Oh,” she said as she took in the scene. I drew back from Karen and gave Mona a reassuring smile, and Karen moved back to her seat to enjoy the floorshow. Mona sat next to me and I gave her a kiss and told her I was all hers if she wanted.

The belly dancers took to the floor, each in their turn. One was more traditional and had the voluptuous body just made for belly dancing. The other was more lithe and mixed in some burlesque moves; she was sexy as hell, and mesmerizing. Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of Karen leaning back against Jim, and without anyone touching her she had an intense orgasm just watching the dancer! Now she was someone I knew I wanted to play with!

After the floorshow, the dancing began. Mona and I are good together on the dance floor—we danced apart, together, freely and flirtatiously. Jim and Karen occasionally joined in with us. As the vibes got more and more erotic I took the opportunity to suck on Mona's nipples and to finger-fuck her to a series of orgasms on the dance floor, which we both love doing. I eventually stripped down to a sexy pair of white lace-up shorts that I was wearing, and Mona, being inventive, “borrowed” some coconut oil from Sara, whose source was the chef Jefferey, and with a dollop on her hand, proceeded to reach into my shorts for my hard cock and give me a luscious hand-job in return. I could have come in her hand there on the dance floor but steeled myself to holding off; I was only just getting started with what seemed to be a very promising evening.

On the balcony overlooking the dance floor there was a sex toy display and demonstration area. We decided to check it out before heading up to play, and there we saw Karen on a mattress getting fucked to orgasm after orgasm by a large mechanical dildo on a piston while Jim watched. Next to her was a woman mounted on and enjoying the hell out of a Sybian. I loved watching and I encouraged Mona to try them out, but she said she really isn't into toys. “I'm afraid they'd be too easy and too addictive,” she told me.

Once Karen was finished, we all stood together chatting about toys, but Karen was ready for more and we started to get amorous and touchy. I was finger-fucking Mona again while kissing Karen and soon was on my knees with a wet thrusting pussy in each hand, finger-fucking Karen and Mona at the same time as the stood on either side of me, with Jim's semi-erect cock dangling near my face and his ample belly pressed close; an invitation, perhaps, but not one I was interested in. Well, even though Mona had earlier said she wanted to play with me alone before playing with Jim and Karen, we all ended up heading to the play area together—the mood and the energy was right.

After we settled together on a queen bed on the lower play area near the porn screen and a froggy chair, I went down on Mona and licked her to a series of orgasms while Karen sucked Jim's cock. Then I switched and licked and fingered Karen's sweet dripping pussy to her evident enjoyment, while Jim did the same for Mona. We all changed again, with me fucking Mona and Jim fucking Karen before switching partners. 

I was fucking Karen's tight pussy doggy style and slapping her ass to her eager encouragement when Jim suggested I fuck her on the froggy chair while he fucked Mona. That was fine with me, and with Karen, who had never tried the chair before. We had a great time; Karen is a vocal and enthusiastic sex partner. She's also very pretty, with bright playful eyes, a very hot, tight body and a fantastic ass that bucks and shakes when she comes. Pretty soon, Jim and Mona joined us, and Karen sucked Jim (apparently getting fucked while sucking Jim is something Karen really enjoys) while Mona sucked Karen's nipples and I fucked Karen and finger-fucked Mona, whom I didn't want to feel left out.Well, as fun as this was, I was getting a bit worn out trying to keep a pelvic rhythm responsive to Karen's urgings while keeping a different hand rhythm that was responsive to Mona's urgent pelvic thrusts. My rock hard erection was beginning to fade a bit from the effort—the blood was needed elsewhere, I guess. So after a series of orgasms from Mona and Karen (I wasn't sure about Jim), it was time for a break. I thanked Karen for a great time, she returned the thanks with a passionate kiss, and we left her and Jim cuddling on the bed.

Mona and I went off for drinks and a midnight snack, and chatted with Bill and Kelly for a while. Bill is Mona's other “favorite,” which is interesting considering Ellen and Bill's friendship and occasional play. Mona got a nice foot rub from Bill as she leaned against me at the table we shared. This was followed by another round of dancing (and more finger-fucking and nipple-gasms for Mona), then we relaxed on one of the sofas while Mona gave me a long, delightful blowjob that brought me to multiple dry orgasms. This was watched from across the room by one of the regulars at the club named Greg, along with a few others. After I gently told Mona that I probably wasn't going to come and ejaculate—I simply couldn't reach that point of no return—she gave my cock a few more licks and kisses, and then sat up. We chatted a bit with Greg about the dry orgasm phenomenon; he was well experienced in it. Then we headed upstairs to get blanket and sheet and to cuddle in the play area, where I finger-fucked and licked Mona to another series of orgasms; her insatiable ability to come is infectious for a compersive like me. Finally we cuddled up to chat and listen to other couples in the throws of passion, and drifted off to asleep.

This was the first time I had slept with another woman since before Ellen, and it was both odd and delightfully intimate. Mona is a self-described “touch-whore” who loves to caress and cuddle and spoon, a feeling of close physical intimacy and connectedness that is different from sex, and for which I have been yearning. I've always been more touchy-feely than Ellen, who needs her space, so finding a fellow touchy-feely cuddler like Mona was a nice bonus to the great sex we were sharing. We slept tightly entwined in a warm embrace. To my surprise, I actually slept soundly for a few hours.

As the light of dawn penetrated the dark warmth of our nest in the play area, I awoke and stretched and realized with pleasure that I had a playmate snoozing but available beside me. I woke Mona by licking her tits and sucking her nipples to orgasm, then reaching down and finger-fucking her. She reciprocated with a gentle morning blowjob, but we could smell coffee brewing and breakfast cooking, and our need for caffein and sustenance got us moving. We donned some clothes and went for breakfast, sharing a table again with Karen and Jim. It soon came out that the night had been Mona's birthday, and she thanked us all for having made it so memorable. I was very pleasantly surprised, and especially so when she whispered into my ear that I had been the perfect birthday present. Karen and Jim had to leave, and after we exchanged contact information I had a lovely passionate goodbye kiss from Karen. We both looked forward to the next time we could play together.

Well, after breakfast, Mona and I headed up to the play area for an extended fuck on the froggy chair. Mona came hard and often as, with the renewed vigor from coffee and food, I drove into her passionately and deeply. This was followed by Mona's “protein shake” brought on by a soul-shattering orgasmic blow-job. I had been giving Mona some ideas about what sort of touch was right for me, and she responded with relish. It was amazing to me that this woman was so sensuous and loving and enthusiastic about me and my pleasure, and as hungry for my essence as I was thirsty for hers.

Afterward we showered together and dressed. I walked Mona to her car as we discussed our upcoming date on Wednesday night, and the air-sex competition I was planning to enter. A passionate kiss goodbye, and off we drove our separate ways.

When I got home, I took the boys out kayaking, as I'd promised to do before, even though I was fairly exhausted. But I'd had fun that weekend, and tired or not, wanted to share the glow of good feelings with my family.

July 21: Good Eating at Sizzling Hot BBQ

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July 24: Another Striptease Win and Orgasmic Booty

I was looking forward to this night. Not only was it a striptease competition again (I planned to compete) but I'd let Mona know I was going to the club and she'd told me she would be there, too. I sensed a nice chemistry developing between us, and it was comfortable knowing I wouldn't be single; we sort of agreed to be each other's date.

The day hadn't been a particularly sexy prelude to the evening; I had a dental cleaning involving digging behind the gums, and didn't take any anesthesia because I didn't want a numb mouth for the evening. I'd also had my eye exam, and that included drops that dilate the pupils for a few hours and make your eyes very sensitive to light. But I'd gotten through it all and arrived at the club just in time to say hello to some sexy new friends and head up to the locker room to stash my bag and change my clothes.

Mona walked into the locker room chatting with another woman, and for a moment I felt like a tongue-tied teenager. She looked hot, and radiated sensuousness as we hugged and kissed deeply. This was a situation I hadn't experienced in a long time; seeing a woman with whom I'd been intimate, and with whom I'd set up a second date, but not being sure what the parameters were. Especially since I wasn't in it for commitment. I'd never had a Fuck Buddy or Friend with Benefits before, although I could have if I hadn't been so naive and hell-bent on finding my soul mate in my younger days. What a fool I'd been; there were plenty of sexy women I'd known and wanted, and who'd been interested in me, but who weren't looking for a committed, monogamous relationship.

Mona and I wandered down to the dining area and got drinks at the bar, chatting together about the coming striptease, and I urged Mona to sign up for the competition. As Rhonda, the big sexy cohost of the competition came around with the clip-board and sign-up sheet, she eyed me and, recalling my first striptease, pretty much insisted that I put my name on this list; she needed a man...to compete. I played hard to get for a moment before relenting and telling her my preferred song; Right Said Fred's I'm Too Sexy, which I thought had just the right mix of fun, sexiness, and irony.

Then I turned to Mona with a wry smile and an I-dare-you look. "I'll cheer you on," I told her. She was tempted, but she wanted a particular song. So I checked in with the DJ and arranged for it to be downloaded, and Mona sashayed across the dance floor to the DJ's table where Rhonda had the clip-board. As Mona bent over to sign up, I took the opportunity to support her from the rear, enjoying the very public act of exploring her bare ass beneath her skirt. She pushed back encouragingly against my hands as I kneaded her cheeks and gently teased her pussy. I knew this was going to be a fun evening.

Mona decided she needed to change into appropriate stripping attire, and we headed up to the locker room where she changed into a silky slinky leopard-print robe that just barely covered her ass. That was it—she was naked underneath. To my delight and her's, she no longer needed to wear her sports bra, and had only tape on her tits where she'd had the breast lift. Her nipples were now fair game, and I took full advantage of that over the course of the evening.

Dinner was soon served and we sat with Sara and an older couple. The pole had been erected in the center of the dance floor, and there were a lot of new people and a sexy energy. Soon it was time for the striptease competition. The new rules were announced, with actual judges and scoresheets rather than the audience applause of previous competitions. And to my chagrin I was the first one called, and the only man to be competing! No time to psych myself up and get in the mood, so I took a deep breath and stood up as the first beats of my song throbbed from the speakers.

I had fun, as usual. I toyed with different people in the audience, had women and men strip shoes and socks from me while draping a foot or leg over a shoulder, or on a lap. I wiggled my ass, spun around the pole, strutted and danced like a bad Mick Jagger imitator and generally got people laughing. To my amazement I was still mostly dressed when the music ended—I had my pants mostly and shirt unbuttoned, but still I got applause. Well, I thought, so much for winning that one.

A few other women took their turns, some fun, some sensuous, all courageous. While we watched, I played with Mona's nipples as she sat in front of me, getting hot and bothered; she has very sensitive nipples and I could see her breathing heavily, trembling and getting very worked up as she leaned languidly back against me.

When it was Mona's turn, she did a great performance to the tune of I wanna be loved by you sung by Marilyn Monroe. She showed her pole dancing and belly dancing moves gained from classes she attends, teased with flashes of skin without ever really disrobing, and held the gaze of many men and women in the audience.

The final competitors were Dana and Ruby, the two sexy ladies of the Triad with whom I'd had fun flirting over the months. They needed two volunteer men, or victims as they joked, to help them in their performance. So naturally I volunteered, along with the guy who'd competed with me back in December. We were seated on chairs with our backs to each other, a woman in front of each of us. Then the music started—their song was Do you take it in the Ass and they soon revealed thin strap-on dildos in harnesses hidden beneath their skirts! That got a roar of laughter from the audience and from me. Far from being discomfited, I thought it was brilliant and so I played it to the hilt, mugging indecision and tentative interest, touching the dildo as the beautiful raven-haired Dana ground her hips in my face, at one point bending over so that she could thrust between my legs. She was having a blast as we played off of each other, and so was I. By the time the song ended, Ruby had had a turn “abusing” me and I got big appreciative kisses from them both. Little did they know that those thin little dildos and the concept of pegging did intrigue me just a bit.

Well, the judges added up their scores and handed them in to Linda the sexy MC and all around entertainment harpy, who announced that, against all odds and to my surprise given the competition, I was the winner. Again. I actually felt a bit guilty, since Mona had done great and Dana and Ruby had certainly beat me in the entertainment, at least in my opinion. Still, I took a bow and accepted the price money, and returned to the conquering hero's reward of a sloppy wet kiss from Mona, which was only a down payment as it turned out.

The competition was followed by a performance from a professional male stripper who put my shenanigans in perspective—he was sexier and funnier than I was, and had lots of pull-off clothes and funny props. Then the dancing began and Mona and I took to the dance floor to see what our combined groove might be like—it was good! She's a free style dancer completely at ease with getting down and dirty with a partner, and I was eager to see how far she was willing to go. I teased her, held her, played with her tits, squeezed her ass, turned her around and ground myself against her ass, all to the hot beat of the dance tunes. At one point my hand was between her legs stroking her pussy and easing a finger, then another into her wet pussy, and as I held her close and finger-fucked her she groaned and shook and came right there in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by dancing onlookers and not a few envious looks. I then reached up and took her nipples in hand and mouth and sucked her to another orgasm—an nipple-gasm. Mona is only the second woman I've ever known who can come with nipple stimulation alone.

Eventual we were ready to take a break from dancing, and we headed off to the hot tub to relax a bit. We chatted with others in the tub, including a guy who asked a big woman with large bobbing tits “do those things float?” which got everyone laughing. But there was also action under water as I finger-fucked Mona and played with her nipples and she stroked my hard cock.

Soon enough, we were ready to go up and play for real. We looked around the play area and headed into the mirror room where two other couples was quietly fucking separately. We started kissing and I fingered Mona while she stroked me, then I suggested we move to the froggy chair in the psychedelic day-glow room, which I'd been keen to try out again. There I donned a condom and we had an extended fuck and Mona came over and over again, sometimes with me thrusting, sometimes with me twisting and sucking her nipples, sometimes with me simply still and deep inside her while she ground against me; she said my cock hit just the right sweet-spot deep within her pussy. I really liked the froggy chair, and Mona, who had never tried it before, definitely liked it, too. The position, the leverage, and the angle really was perfect for long hard fucking.

At one point I added a vibrating cock-ring, which took Mona by surprise. She seemed to enjoy the sensation on her clit when I was deep inside her, but I could tell she wasn't all that enthusiastic. I later learned that she isn't really into toys. After a little while, I took it off and plunged back into her, gripping her thighs and her tits as as she pushed up against my thrusting. I was amazed that I was still erect f after so long and so much thrusting and realized that Mona's enthusiasm was a huge factor--it was a virtuous circle of lust.

Mona's noisy orgasms seemed to set up a chain reaction around the play areas as waves of moans and gasps of orgasmic women echoed through the interconnected rooms. I'd never felt so connected to so many people in such an intimate way.

After fucking nonstop for over an hour, Mona announced that she wanted to suck my cock, and I was more than happy to lay back and enjoy. It was long and sweet and Mona stroked and licked and sucked me for an amazingly long time, bringing herself to orgasm without my touching her. At times I did stroke and finger-fuck her, and at one point shifted into a sixty-nine and sucked her to more orgasms, all the while she was still making love to my cock with her lovely mouth. Finally, and with my own cacophony of moans, I came hard and long and deep in her mouth. To my surprise she eagerly swallowed and moaned in pleasure.

“To the victor go the rewards,” I heard someone call out to us, referring to my earlier win in the striptease and the apparent prize I'd just collected. We giggled appreciatively. In the afterglow, we chatted contentedly as we caressed each other. There was a certain chemistry between us, we both acknowledged, and we agreed to look for other opportunities to get together.

All too soon it was time to leave—we didn't want to risk getting shut in again, and I had a long drive home. Mona only lived ten minutes from the club, and I envied her the short drive. We took a quick, soapy gropey shower together, dressed, and walked out to her car, where we we kissed goodnight.

On the drive home, I reflected again on my good fortune in meeting Mona. Here was a sexy, sensuous woman who was not just eager to play, but also willing to try new things. She was as much an exhibitionist as I'd discovered I was, and she was as attentive to my pleasure and enjoyment as I was to hers. I also felt a renewed sense of myself as a lover, a new confidence that I had been struggling to recover. My long trip home gave me the time to reflect on the evening, and I looked forward to sharing the details with Ellen in the morning.

A Fucked Up Memorial Day Weekend: May 25

I've taken a breather for a while from blogging, for reasons that the post below will make clear. But I'll have fun sexy posts to add soon. This one's a downer, but worth the read.

I had just returned from yet another trip to Africa and was keen to have fun this weekend. The day after getting home, Ellen took off for the first night alone at the club, heading up with Ron and Nora. Ellen and I didn't really have time to reconnect, which is always something I am in need of after coming home, but I figured we could do that on Saturday night. After all, she would get her time alone with Ron and whomever else she wanted to play with on Friday—this was the second half of her Mother's Day present, after all—and we could enjoy each other's company on Saturday.

So I was really looking forward to a fun evening when I left the kids with the babysitter on Saturday afternoon. I hadn't heard from Ellen but didn't expect to, since I knew she was attending some of the sexy workshops scheduled during the day and besides, cell phones weren't allowed in the club or on the premises.

I arrived with eager anticipation and found Ellen in the lobby looking sexy as hell in a lacy pair of hipster panties with a big bow in front and a glittery net-like throw tide up around her neck that draped alluringly across her naked chest and belly while leaving very little to the imagination. She looked hot! I was a little surprised that she'd decided against the body suit that I'd encouraged her to wear, and which she looks amazing in—I have a thing about body suits—but this outfit suited her perfectly and I could tell she felt good and daring wearing it.

Ellen walked with me upstairs to the sleeping room, where I unpacked my bag and started to change. There were a few people in the room and Ellen had said she wanted to talk to me about something, but obviously wasn't going to do it with company listening. I was stretching some after a long drive, trying to get the cramps out of my muscles that were still tight from long airplane rides, when finally we were alone. That's when Ellen told me what happened with Fabio.

Crap! I felt a flush and flash of emotions surge through my body.

Ok, focus.

The one thing I knew is that I had a lot of questions. What little Ellen told me was only the basic facts, but very little detail, and I knew that I was going to need lots of details to help me settle. I also knew that the night was pretty well fucked from that point on. Having sex with anyone was suddenly the last thing in the world on my agenda.

I took some deep breaths and sat down in front of Ellen, who looked exposed and defensive and very uncertain. The first thing I asked seemed to catch her by surprise, but it was fundamental to my primary worry about exposure to disease, which has been a paramount concern for me all along. After all, I work in public health, with people who are experts in sexual and reproductive health. I knew the risks and I knew what compounded risks. Maybe getting clinical and analytical was a mistake, but it was where my mind needed to go at the moment; to the rational, practical questions that would help me process my feelings and concerns.

“Did he ejaculate in you?” I asked her. I figured it was a pretty simple question with a pretty simple answer, knowing how aware Ellen can be about wet spots on the sheets, and how turned on she can be by the sounds and feeling of a man coming inside her.

“I don't know,” she replied, with a little irritation.

I don't know. Three simple words that should be pretty straightforward, but in Ellen's mouth they can be loaded with enormous meaning. Either she really didn't know, which I found surprising, or she was using the phrase in her second way, which really means “I don't want to talk about it.” I'd observed her dodge many questions with many people, including her father, her sister, work colleagues, friends, and even me, by saying “I don't know,” even though she knew perfectly well what the answer to their questions were. She just didn't want to get into it, and this was her standard avoidance technique.

So, she doesn't know if he ejaculated inside her, or she doesn't want to talk about it. Either way led to more questions in my mind. I asked one or two, but saw that she felt interrogated and knew that what I needed most—information—she wasn't going to be able to provide, at least not then. So with profound mixed feelings and a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach, I gave her a hug and and let the matter drop, because I saw that's what she needed most. I'd have been happy leaving the club immediately in order to process all of this, and I guess we should have, but instead I put on a happy face I didn't feel and we headed out to join the sexy throng for dinner. Perhaps we could at least have a little fun tonight.

After dinner (which wasn't memorable in the least) we enjoyed watching Tigra perform on the pole, and on a number of occasions Tigra's eyes met mine; she smiled and her eyes twinkled. Afterward I chatted with her and she introduced me to the friend she had come with, mentioning my performance months before. It was nice to know I'd made an impression on her.

Once the dancing started up and the floor filled, Ellen went off for a drink or a pee and I was sitting with Ron. I saw a long-haired muscular man stroll across the opposite side of the dance floor and I wondered if that was Fabio; he seemed to fit Ellen's description from when she met him at the beach. I asked Ron to point him out, since I was curios about him. Ron didn't seem to notice who I was looking at, and said he'd point him out if he saw him. I had no agenda at that point, and certainly wasn't planning on confronting him. I just wanted to put a face to a name and I knew he was probably still in the club.

When Ellen returned we danced a bit, then explored the BDSM props and Ellen showed me the toys area where she'd tried out a Sybian the night before. We'd talked about the Sybian in the past and I'd wanted to see her try it the first time, but once again missed out. Well, that was the least of my concerns at that point, and I well knew that she was more wiling to trying new things with Ron and Nora (who had goaded her into trying the Sybian) than she was with me. I did encourage her to try out the electric wand, which we saw Alan using on another woman who writhed in pleasure under its electric shocks. To my surprise, Ellen was game (although she didn't really like the sensation). Perhaps she was eager to turn around the energy of the night and knew that going with my suggestions was one way to help me get my mind off the 800 pound gorilla in the room. In fact, all evening long, Ellen was very close and attentive, being particularly touchy-feely with me in an easy sexy way that I have sometimes craved.

Well, Ellen was chilly in her very limited cover, and we headed to the hot tub for a while. We chatted with others but my mind was still a fog of thoughts and emotions and I knew I was more withdrawn than usual. I also knew that Ron and Nora were both vigilant and keeping some distance from us, which I appreciated—Ron can be a little smothering around Ellen, although she certainly likes the attention from him.

Even after the hot tub, Ellen couldn't get warm, and she was not looking very well. She decided to lie down and after checking if she needed anything, I went off to explore on my own. Here again, I had mixed feelings. Ellen was sick, but from what? She'd played hard the night before and didn't get much sleep as usual, and now she was sick on the night we were together. I felt sorry for her and worried, but also resentful. This wasn't the first time that her hard playing alone resulted in her being sick once we were together (usually at home), and it wouldn't be the last time. She would deny any link between playing and illness even though I'd begun seeing a pattern, so I shoved the thought aside and tried to focus on exploring the interesting BDSM activities on offer by myself.

After wandering around for a while and considering having a go at being flogged on the St. Andrews Cross—there was a line of expectant floggies and I didn't feel like waiting—I ended up chatting with Rhonda, a large sexy volunteer at the club with whom I'd struck up an easy flirting acquaintance over the previous visits. I told her about what had happened the night before; I needed to process my feelings, and Rhonda listened and offered perspective. She asked if we had an escape clause in our open marriage, something we could use to take a break and focus on nurturing our own relationship, and I realized that we didn't. I had been feeling trapped in an open marriage with very loose definitions and only a single hard rule—condoms always. But even that rule had been questioned by Ellen of late, as she had been talking about fluid bonding and expressed an interest in doing so with Ron. That was not something I was willing to go along with, because I simply did not agree with the common assumption I'd heard within the lifestyle that swingers are more careful. There was no evidence, and it sounded too much like wishful thinking. And Ron was hardly particular about who he played with—I wasn't willing to put my health in his hands, and I wasn't sure Ellen was looking at the matter with her usual critical eye.

And now, here was a perfect example of unsafe, unethical behavior that put not only Ellen at risk, but me, too, unless I insisted on wearing condoms. To do so would only remind us both of this unhappy situation every time we fucked, and would be a mutual turn-off, and we had enough challenges in our sex life without adding another.

But Rhonda's question about an escape clause got me thinking. We needed one, tonight more than ever. Because I knew that any request to take a break temporarily would risk a great deal of resentment and acrimony from Ellen; I would be asking for her to stop playing with a shiny new toy that she had admittedly become obsessed with. But I felt profoundly that having the ability to take such a break was essential to nurturing our relationship and maintaining our open marriage over the long term. It was like having a safe word for the whole lifestyle. We had one for immediate sexual activities, but not one for the relationship in its entirety.

I felt a little more grounded after talking with Rhonda, so I checked in on Ellen before wandering around again. Ellen was sleeping, huddled under a pile of sheet and blanket and sleeping bag for warmth. I didn't wake her.

I found Nora on the table under Alan's electric wand, and I enjoyed toying with her nipples and causing an electric spark to rise from one while Alan touched the wand to the other. Nora gasped in pleasure. But my heart wasn't really in it anymore, and eventually I decided to retire.

It was a sleepless night. My mind was filled with questions and worries. One question kept swirling around; had Ellen been careful enough? We hadn't really been seeing eye-to-eye on the safety and risk issue anyway. For the first time in our lives, she was less risk averse than I was. Was she so caught up in NRE and sexual pleasure that she was letting down her guard? Was the dopamine high undermining her judgment? I had never had any reason to question her judgment before, and I didn't like feeling this way—it felt disloyal. But at the same time, I knew the risks as well as she did. And I had old memories that came back unbidden, memories of memorial services of gay friends who'd died of AIDS in the late 80s. Hell, we both had worked on AIDS programs in Africa, we knew what the consequences of complacency could be.

As the night drew on, Ellen remained cocooned under covers, inches away physically but entirely unreachable. At one point, I went out to pee and found the man I'd seen across the dance floor primping in front of the bathroom mirror. I asked him if he was Fabio, and he looked at me aloofly and said yes. I introduced myself as Ellen's husband, and he looked blankly at me. I reminded him who Ellen was, and suddenly his demeanor changed entirely. Aloofness was replaced with uncertainty and attention. He drew me away from other people in the bathroom so we could talk privately, and after I told him briefly about my background in public health, I asked him point blank if he'd ejaculated in Ellen. I hadn't planned this, but the opportunity presented itself and I wanted at least to have an answer on the degree of risk we were exposed to. Fabio assured me he hadn't (not that I particularly trusted his answer) and then launched into a long explanation of how careful he normally was, that he was a body builder and a nurse and took his health seriously.

Fine, I said, but that didn't change the fact that he had disregarded Ellen's expressed instructions about wearing a condom, which she had assured me she had done when she first described the situation to me. Fabio shrank a bit, and looked like a little boy caught with his hand in the cooky jar. He told me that he was going through some “issues,” getting divorced from his wife of twenty-some years, and implied that he had made a mistake, but I saw it for what it was—bullshit excuses from an asshole eager to cover his tracks. His whole self image of the Native American muscle man mystical lover was nothing but a mask he wore to cover up what I saw in his eyes as he talked; insecurity and need for attention. No doubt he had allure for women, and it had certainly worked on Ellen, but I could see through his cocky aloofness at the game he played.

He apologized profusely but I just bid him good night and went back to bed. I'd heard all I needed to know. But it did little to settle my mind, and I didn't sleep.

By the time dawn was breaking, I couldn't stay in bed and got up to wander around the silent club. The left-over coffee was luke warm and vile, so that was out. I sipped warm water and lounged on a sofa downstairs. At one point Kelly came through and we chatted a bit. I didn't know what she knew and wasn't eager to talk about anything between Ellen and me with her, given their somewhat tumultuous history. But it was nice chatting with her and getting my mind off the oppressive thoughts in my head. I realized that I felt trapped in the club, and couldn't really breath, that I wanted out and had to leave soon. At a little before 8AM, Ellen was stirring and I asked her to get up so that we could leave. I didn't want to talk to Ron or Nora or anyone else over breakfast, I just wanted to get out and clear my head. I needed to talk to Ellen, and no one else.

Well, we left abruptly. As we said our goodbyes, Ron was typically attentive to Ellen, which only served to piss me off. He gets to experience only fun and pleasure with Ellen and so has a very limited view of her. He is always the gentleman and the loving sexy partner with the ready hard-on. No baggage, no responsibilities, no tension, only fun. At that moment, I resented him, and even blamed him for having introduced Ellen to Fabio as someone to play with. He'd essentially vouched for Fabio, so in my view, that made him complicit in Fabio's deceit.

We got in the car and drove in silence for a few moments. I sensed Ellen's annoyance and wariness at our abrupt departure. Normally she likes the morning socializing over breakfast and the chance for one more go with Ron. But that was the least of my concerns. I couldn't breath in there.

I was exhausted, and felt more disconnected from Ellen that I had when I got home two days earlier. I felt suffocated and trapped in a lifestyle that I had struggled to get comfortable in and which had suddenly turned sour for me. I wasn't even sure I could trust Ellen's judgment anymore.

I raged. I said things that were harsh and judgmental. I didn't ignore Fabio's role or ultimate responsibility for his behavior, but still I blamed Ellen, the victim, for not being careful enough, for being too trusting. I spoke from fear, from a sense of helplessness, from the profound hurt of a trust that had been broken, however unwittingly. All of the rational thoughts were overwhelmed by the flood of emotions that I'd tried so hard to keep dammed up.

I'm not proud of that day. I caused hurt, and was hurt in return. Ellen said things to me that I won't repeat and have tried to let go of, because I know they were said out of her own hurt and anger. It was certainly a low point in our 20 years together.

We worked through some of the issues over the next few days, but I knew there was lasting damage, and we never did resolve the question of our escape clause. But for reasons that will be apparent in future posts, I have grown more comfortable in the lifestyle, and we have reestablished the trust in each other's judgment that is so important. Communication took a hit for a while, but we've largely come back to where we need to be.

And we have both learned some hard lessons from this stormy weekend. That, at least, is a silver lining.